Have you ever been somewhere that is so hot you want to rip your clothes off? You can't wait to get cool. It is stifling. The sweat is pouring down to you. You burn from inside. You want to scream - and then - Ahhh, yes - a cool lake swims. What a bliss to get free of the heat.
Well that's exactly how the one you possess feels. You are stifling your partner and they cannot wait to fling you away. You try to possess - it is naturally impossible, it cannot happen. Then there is misery. The more you try to possess a person, the more that person tries to become independent of you, because every person has a birthright to be free, to be himself or herself. You are trespassing on the privacy of a person. If you love a person you will never trespass. You will never try to be a detective, peeping into the privacy of other person. You will respect the privacy of other person.
Some people think, being possessive means being in love. But, Possessiveness, is a false love. Love means that you are ready to merge yourself into other. It is a death, the deepest death possible in which you can fall, and go on falling and falling. And there is no end to it, there is no bottom to it, it is an eternal falling into other. It never ends. To love means other has become so significant that you can lose yourself. Love is surrender - unconditional; because if there is even a single condition then you are important, not the other. And if you are important then why to get possess?
But look at the so called lovers - Boyfriends and Girlfriends. All they are doing, around the clock, is finding ways to trespass, to enter into the private world of other person. They don't want the other person to have any privacy. Why? If the person has independence, privacy, individuality, they are afraid. The person tomorrow may not love them - because love is not something stagnant. So they just want to know everything about their partner so that they can hold this person permanently in his captivity. In this process, you won't get love. You cannot get love from a slave.
You can't own the person. Like some antique art - something to admire, something only they have, and no one else shall have it. Best ways to remove possessiveness is, Ask yourself why are you possessive? Put some thought into it. Maybe it is because a person or something which happened to you in the past. When you start feeling the twinges of jealousy or possessiveness, remind yourself that your partner loves you, and is committed to you and respects you. One of the best ways to beat possessiveness is to talk to your partner. Share your insecurities and ask them to help you overcome your problems.
Stop controlling the other person. Once you stop controlling the other person, you'll have a better relationship. Let them do their own thing without nagging and questioning them whole time. Looking through the phone messages of someone you love is not a acceptable behavior.
If you are possessed you lost your very soul. Possessiveness is called a kind of love but it's not love. It is fear, not love. It is adjustment, not love. It is compromise, not love. It can be anything, but not love. Don't compromise with your interests, friends, ambitions just to appease your partner. This will result in you being miserable. You must explain your partner that you need your own life back.
Love is meant to be free, you can't change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
Sounds such a simple perspective, but how difficult to internalize! I have seen relationships collapse due to possessiveness overdrive. Treat the person the way you want them to treat you. Love like joy and cheer is meant to be shared and isn't limited like a piece of cake. Still, we feel as if we own the person and haggle for our share, how strange!