Growing up

I am having a real bad days. And in the end, it left me amazed at how things change, how people change. How pathetic we human are and how worst we can get. How the people you once proudly called your friends are now the ones who make your life difficult. In this cruel world, sweet words are not guarantees, big hugs are not bonds. Behind the curtains, there is a big bad world. There are people who are looking forward to an opportunity to bring you down. I realized that i am surrounded by diplomats. People aren't as sweet as their words. Life isn't as simple as it appears to be. The person for whom you care the most are the ones who backstab you in very sweet way. And they have a very refine and generous reason for it. If you do the same then you are not a "true friend". And the best way to take revenge is to delete them from facebook id. And this immature thinking is called "growing up".
                               
When you try and care for someone, they called it interference. When you voice your opinion, you are mocked. There is no solution to this. The only way is to accept things the way they are. And above all the only person here blamed is YOU. And ultimately all this things frustrate me so much that I also start developing some of its traits. Now my thinking about my best friend have taken a wrong turn. I have become mean in my life. The only things in my mind are how to let them down. And this is not at all normal for a person like me, who have always been good to people in any situation. I am not very much extrovert about my feelings and so I am feeling helpless to share it with anyone. It is eating me up from inside.

It is on days like this I hate being grown up. Things were just so simple back then. Our friends were ours. Nobody knew what backstabbing meant. Competition was never a part of friendship. Fights never lasted for more than an hour. All it took a handshake to set things right. There were no diplomacy, no argument, no backstabbing. We were what we were and other people opinion were never a problem. And all this while I thought growing up would be fun. But this shit was never expected. 

As we grow up, we think we know too much. Competition ruins friendships. People hold grudges for their lifetime, their egos don't allow them to apologize. Now everything I see, I feel creates doubt in my mind. People whom I use to admire are now the people I hate somewhere. Still I mingle with them, try to be nice to them on face. Somewhere I try to exploit my every friend. And this is what I have become. I feel bad about my condition, I feel pity on myself. Although I don't want the child inside me to die. I want to be free from all prejudice. I want all that sweet innocence which knows no lies, no cheating and enjoyed the little things in life. I want to let go everything, every consequences, the bad worlds who is judging my every step. I want to be the person I thought I will be. Not what people want me to be. For me, THAT IS LIFE!! Trying to find happiness in little things, and big things not even matter anymore.
               'If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to do what I love, I'll never grow up, never grow up never grow up! Not me!'